Congressional Senselessness: The Awards are in

By Robert Fantina

At some point, when no one was paying attention, the U.S. Congress apparently declared a moratorium on making sense. Unlike regulations protecting free speech or prohibiting torture, this new law has been strictly followed. And one must not blame Congress for passing it; perhaps it was one of President Bush’s executive orders. But regardless of the source, it is apparently one of the few duties Congress takes seriously.

This first became apparent with the passage of the Patriot Act. This law passed by an overwhelming Congressional vote as Congress members ran like mad to get on the ‘I’m strong on terrorism’ train before it pulled out of the station without them. This act preserved U.S. freedoms by curtailing them, one of the most striking examples of Congress’s resolve to stop making sense.

Things continued on from there, as Congress decided that the best way to support U.S. soldiers willing to fight for the fast-dwindling freedoms America purports to offer, was to have a war for them. After all, one might ask, since soldiers have been trained in combat, so why not put them in combat? The U.S. has paid for their training; it should get its money’s worth.

Additionally, a soldier has, by enlisting in the military, expressed a willingness to take risks that will put his or her life in danger, so why not enable them to experience those risks? And then, when U.S. citizens and some uppity members of Congress want to deprive them of those opportunities - opportunities to kill, die, be maimed, scarred, etc. - the majority rises up in their secure offices and chambers and votes down those thoughtless individuals who would cause these soldiers to return to home and safety.

Perhaps the most recent example of this comes from a person who has brought senselessness in Congress to a new high: Rep. Gene Taylor, a Democrat from Mississippi. As Congress begins yet another debate about funneling billions of dollars from the pockets of U.S. citizens into the black hole of Iraq’s civil war, Mr. Taylor said this: “I think the message in the next week ought to be that a heck of a lot of people have been harmed (in combat) and we ought to take care of them.”

Now, one might have trouble discerning exactly what that series of words, strung together in the context of a war-funding debate, might mean at all. But in attempting to make some sense of it, one might think that Mr. Taylor meant that such funding should include increased dollars for the infamous Walter Reed Medical Center, where neglect of injured soldiers is rampant. One might further think that Mr. Taylor, by that statement, was indicating a need to prevent further injuries by ensuring a timetable to end the war. One might reasonably think that Mr. Taylor was showing compassion for the victimized citizens of Iraq: the U.S. can ‘take care of them’ by stopping the indiscriminate killing of them. But one would not think that that statement by Mr. Taylor indicated his support for throwing more money at the war without restrictions, but that is, indeed what he meant.

So now we have it from the Congressman from Mississippi: since ‘a heck of a lot of people have been harmed’ we need to ‘take care of them’ by increasing the likelihood of more of them suffering even greater harm. Mr. Taylor wins the coveted ‘I-make-no-sense-but-still- get-elected-to-Congress’ award. He joins on the stage this year’s runner up, Republican Senator and would-be presidential candidate John McCain who in April extolled the safety of a popular market in Baghdad, where one can walk safely as long as one has 100 U.S. military bodyguards, rooftop snipers and humvees. Oh, and the market has to be closed.

And coming in a proud third place but vowing to do better next year is Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, who said that, despite lying to get the U.S. into a war that has caused the deaths of nearly 4,000 Americans and over 1,000,000 Iraqis; despite running the Department of Justice like the Republican National Committee during the Watergate-era, and despite other clear violations of U.S. law, the idea of impeaching President Bush is ‘off the table.’

Although Mr. Taylor was a late entrant into the contest (he is seldom heard from, but when he does speak, people listen!), the judges felt his senselessness exceeded that of the others for its boldness, stupidity and conciseness. Mr. McCain, unfortunately, took some time to get to his senseless point, and Ms. Pelosi, although doing an admirable job in senselessness, was thought to have repeated her senseless mantra too often to achieve a higher ranking.

Each of these senselessness winners can point to Mr. Bush as their example. His most sterling moment (hard to select since there have been so many) may have been at the height of Hurricane Katrina. His director of the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA), Michael Brown, appointed by Mr. Bush apparently due to his experience managing Arabian horse shows and that is so closely related to emergency management (see? The root word ‘manage’ appears in both; they are practically the same thing!) was busy overseeing New Orleans when Mr. Bush said “Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job.” This was the same ‘Brownie’ who mentioned on national television that he was unaware that thousands of evacuees were housed in the Superdome and in desperate need of services, despite the fact that the national news stations had been reporting it for at least a full day. But one must not criticize: this is the example of senselessness that Congress has followed during the Bush administration.

As has been shown, it is not only members of the president’s party that strive to emulate him; indeed, only one Republican made the top three. But some members of his party did make ‘honorable mention.’ Let us look at just one of these senselessness champions.

“While our troops are quelling violence and defeating terrorists in Baghdad and throughout Iraq, Democrats in Washington are trying to choke off funds for our troops in the field.” This pearl of senselessness was uttered by Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell. U.S. troops, part of the army that overthrew the sovereign, peaceful nation of Iraq and that continues to terrorize its citizens, Mr. McConnell said, are ‘quelling violence,’ which would surely decrease if the troops left, and defeating terrorists, also known as freedom fighters who are opposing the occupation of their country. So the troops are defeating the Iraqis who are struggling to defend their homeland.

Further, Democrats are not trying to ‘choke off funds’ for the troops, but rather are attempting to provide them with a safe exit from Iraq’s bloody, U.S.-spawned civil war.
Mr. McConnell has done very well with senselessness, and if he continues in this vein he may surely win the senselessness gold medal next year.

While not a member of Congress, a special ‘Honorary Senselessness’ award goes to presidential spokesman Tony Fratto. Mr. Fratto is being honored for his statement that Mr. Bush would veto any legislation that sets an ‘artificial timeline’ for the withdrawal of troops.

What an ‘artificial timeline’ is can only be guessed. If a timeline is set by Congress, it is not artificial; it is real. Perhaps what Mr. Fratto meant was that Mr. Bush will veto any bill that sets a timeline for withdrawal. But the insertion of that one word – artificial – was sufficient for Mr. Fratto to win the seldom-presented but much coveted ‘Honorary Senselessness’ award.

The judges indicated that they had a very difficult time in making these awards this year; competition was fierce and hour after frustrating hour was spent reading through the Congressional Record and individual Congress members’ websites, culling out only the most senseless of the senseless statements made by Congress. The judges wish to recognize the efforts of so many members of Congress to achieve a level of senselessness not seen since the McCarthy era. And, for those judges that do not go stark raving mad (an occupational hazard for all Congressional Senselessness judges) between now and next year, they will be back again, reviewing an expected new level of Congressional senselessness.